> *To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah ) *
> * *
> *Date: 2009-01-13, 3:43AM EST *
> * *
> *I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I
> hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend.
> You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow
> come across this message. I'd like to apologize. I didn't expect you
> to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth
> is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't
> that
> cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911
> ..45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder
> holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh ? It's a very
> intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it? I know it
> probably wasn't a
> great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that
> brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse
> since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with
> me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you
> try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or
> "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your
> situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes
> to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of
> the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster. I
> called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your
> bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the
> line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't
> know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off
> your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the
> DA's office with it. Oh well. So, about your pants. I know that I was a
> little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so
> I'd like to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants,
> so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent
> you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powde
> r? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you
> walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice
> of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this
> message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. *
> * *