Letter From Santa"
>
> 2 Cold Street,
> North Pole,
> H0H 0H0
>
> Dear ________
>
> I have been watching you very closely to see
> if you have been good this year, and since you
> have, I will be telling my elves to make some
> goodies for me to leave under your tree at
> Christmas. I was going to bring you all the
> gifts from the "Twelve Days of Christmas,"
> but we had a little problem up here. The
> twelve fiddlers fiddling, have all come down
> with V.D from fiddling with the ten ladies dancing.
>
> The eleven lords a leaping have knocked up
> the eight maids a milking, and the nine pipers
> playing, have been arrested for doing weird
> things to the seven swans a swimming.
>
> The six geese a laying, four calling birds, three
> french hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge
> in a pear tree, have me up to my ears in bird
> droppings.
>
> On top of all this, Mrs. Clause is going through
> menopause, eight of my reindeer are in heat,
> the elves have joined Gay Liberation, and those
> dumb-butt Kawabangaans have scheduled
> Christmas for the 5th of February.
>
> Sincerely,
>
> Santa
>