A guy is out drinking with his friends and gets loaded and ends up barfing on his suit.
"Oh man, now what? My wife told me if I went out and got drunk I'd sleep on the couch for a month."
No, problem, says his friend. Here's a $20 bill. Just tell your wife you were having dinner with a friend and he got drunk and threw up on you, and he gave you $20 for the dry cleaning."
Great, says the guy who goes back to drinking.
Hours later he stumbles home and his wife meets him at the door.
You've been drinking and have thrown up on yourself, haven't you?
No, it was a friend of mine, and he gave me $20 for the dry cleaning. Check my pocket.
She checks his pocket.
OK, but there are two twenties in here.
Yeah, he also crapped in my pants.